I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
