don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
