I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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