1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
