how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
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On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
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My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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