Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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