I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
