Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
