Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
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