Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
operation harelip BJ is a go
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
