I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
