The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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