is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
