Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
