I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
