8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
