Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
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I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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