I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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