why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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