i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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