dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
