tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
