i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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