i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
