1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
