what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
