Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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