I want to stick my p in your. b.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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