I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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