my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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