Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize