Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
