I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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