He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
