They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
