I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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