Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
