I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
