...so i touched it.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
