I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
