I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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