WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Randomize
