In the future we'll all be gay
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
