You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
