i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Your penis caused this!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
