Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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