The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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