remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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