I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
