Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
40s are totally the cure
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
