im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I need moral support for this bender
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
