yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
