I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
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just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
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Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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