yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
