Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
