consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
