loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
