Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
