I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
