I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
