I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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