why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
it's like heaven, but drunker
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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