he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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