you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
