I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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