i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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