I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
