I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize