haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
