we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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