Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
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Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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