He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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