Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
