you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
