The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
