your room smells of hookers.
And success
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
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She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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