I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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