What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
