Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
