when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
