We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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