He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
