I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize