She's JV to your varsity
i just wanna soil my oats bro
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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